The Hidden Barrier: Self Sabotage

Recovery, whether from physical pain, unprocessed emotions, or a cycle of unhelpful habits, is a journey that requires vulnerability and courage. As someone who guides clients through this process, I see firsthand how the path to healing can feel like a dance: two steps forward, one step back. What I have found fascinating over the years is something I have noticed repeatedly. Often, it is not the external obstacles and circumstances that trip us up the most. It is the hidden barriers we build for ourselves. One of those barriers is self-sabotage, and I will break that down for you now.

Today, I want to pull back the curtain on this sneaky saboteur. Drawing from the wisdom of science, psychology, and the real-life stories of my clients, let’s explore how self-sabotage shows up in recovery, why it’s not your fault (but still your responsibility), and, most importantly, how you can spot it and step beyond it with practical, actionable tools.

Pain, setbacks, and bad days are not evidence against you, they are part of being human.

What Self-Sabotage Looks Like in Recovery

Self-sabotage is not always loud or obvious. It doesn't announce itself with a megaphone. Instead, it whispers in the background, masquerading as protection or comfort. In my work, I see this take a few familiar shapes on the recovery journey:

1. The “I Don’t Deserve This” Trap

   
   

   Many of my clients start their healing with an injection of hope, perhaps from a new strategy or a breakthrough in our initial consultation. But then, usually between session three to six, just as progress peeks over the horizon, they pull back. They communicate reasons why they may not be able to continue (usually responsibilities of kids, calendar, etc), focus on the problems rather than progressions, or tell me that they are “not the kind of person” who gets better. It is as if an inner voice says, “Who are you to feel good? To be free?”

   
   

2. The Overwhelm Overload

   
   

   Another pattern I see is when clients take on too much, too fast. They dive into recovery with a Herculean set of goals: hit the gym every day, perform their homework from sessions (designed to be five minutes per day) for thirty minutes at a time, three times per day, and when they cannot keep up, they want to quit entirely. It’s not laziness or a lack of commitment; it is a brain wired to protect itself by shutting down when the stakes feel too high.

   
   

3. The Evidence Collector

   
   

   Some of my clients become detectives of their setbacks. They fixate on every ache, every bad day, every slip-up, building a case that says, “See? I knew this wouldn’t work.” It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy dressed up as realism.

   
   

   They tend to be the same clients in our first consultation that will say words to the effect of 'You won't be able to help me' or 'I tend to make progress and then it all falls apart eventually' or even 'Are you sure you want to work with me? I'll probably be your most difficult client'.

   
   

If any of these sound familiar, take a breath and repeat after me "I am not broken", "My situation is relatable and I am capable".

Self-sabotage is not a character flaw, it is a survival strategy that once made sense. The good news is that once you see it for what it is, you can choose a new way forward.

I've broken it down with tools you can use right now.

1. Name It to Tame It

Self-Sabotaging Behavior: The “I Don’t Deserve This” Trap

How It Shows Up: You start feeling better, then suddenly stop showing up for yourself, skipping the things that were helping, avoiding support, or just checking out.

Step 1: Create Awareness

When that inner voice starts with “This isn’t going to work for me,” pause and label it.

Say to yourself, “This is self-sabotage talking.” Neuroscience tells us that naming an emotion or thought reduces its power over us, it is like turning on a light in a dark room. You don’t have to fight it; you just have to see it.

Step 2: Move Forward

Ask yourself, “What would I do next if I believed I deserved this?” Then, take one tiny step. Maybe it is five minutes of deep breathing or texting a friend for encouragement. The key is to act as if you are worthy because you are. Over time, this rewires that old belief into something truer.

2. Start Small, Stay Curious

Self-Sabotaging Behavior: The Overwhelm Overload

How It Shows Up: You pile on every recovery tactic at once, then crash and quit when it is too much.

Step 1: Create Awareness

Notice when you are tempted to overhaul everything. Check in: “Am I trying to prove something? Am I running from discomfort?” Stress research shows overwhelm often comes from a need to control the uncontrollable. Curiosity is the antidote, get interested in why you are pushing so hard.

Step 2: Move Forward

Pick one thing. Just one. Maybe it is one exercise or a single sentence in a journal. Commit to it for a week with no pressure to add more. Celebrate the win, not because it is big but because you did what you set out to do. Small steps build trust in yourself, and trust dismantles overwhelm.

3. Reframe the Evidence

Self-Sabotaging Behavior: The Evidence Collector

How It Shows Up: You obsess over setbacks as proof you will never heal.

Step 1: Create Awareness

Catch yourself mid-story. When your mind says, “This pain means I’m going backward,” interrupt it. Ask, “Is this 100% true? What else could it mean?” Pain, setbacks, and bad days are not evidence against you, they are part of being human.

Step 2: Move Forward

Change the story. Write down one piece of “evidence” that you are making progress, like showing up to read this blog, or a moment you felt stronger than before. Keep a running list. Your brain loves evidence; give it something empowering to mull over.

The Science of Compassion Meets the Art of Action

Here is what I have learnt from my clients and the research: self-sabotage thrives in the shadows of shame and fear. But when we shine a light on it, with kindness, not judgment, it loses its grip.

I want the world to know that self-compassion is a superpower; it fuels resilience. You don’t have to be perfect to heal. You just have to be willing to begin again.

So, wherever you are in your recovery journey, know this: those moments of self-sabotage? They are not the end of the story. They are invitations to grow.

With these tools, you can answer that invitation, not with force, but with curiosity, courage, and self-compassion.

So, with that said. What is the one step you will take today? I would love to hear about your journey. I am here, rooting for you.

You've got this!

Brett