When Letting Go Feels Like Losing Control

Last week, a client shared something profound during our gym session. He told me that he struggles to sleep on his back and fully relax because, deep down, he fears that if he truly lets go, his breathing will collapse, and everything will go wrong.

The irony is that his wife has repeatedly told him that he sleeps best when he ends up on his back. Yet his mind won't allow it. His belief in his body's fragility keeps him from trusting what is already true; his body knows how to breathe, restore itself, and heal. But his mind is telling a different story, one of survival.

I wanted to share this story of my client because I know, having coached over 1,000 people, that many of you reading this will be able to relate.

How Our Deepest Fears Keep Us Stuck

It's essential to understand this isn't only about his posture or comfort; it is about control. His nervous system has learned to brace, anticipate danger, and micromanage every breath as if letting go meant losing control. But here’s the paradox: the more he grips, the more he reinforces disconnection. The more he tries to control his body, his pain, and his progress, the more he reinforces the very struggle he wants to escape.

Within our gym sessions, he has noticed a shift. In an environment of safety, he felt what it was like to truly let go, resulting in his body moving and his muscles activating easily, much to his surprise. His breath moved freely, and his body found a connection from his feet up to his neck and shoulders. What he had spent years trying to control suddenly happened naturally when he stopped fighting it.

This realisation wasn’t limited to his movement and breathing. It made sense when considering how he navigates his life.

Seeing him come to this realisation was a big moment in his journey with me because my work's real purpose is to bridge the gap between physical recovery and personal development. When clients leave me, they move and feel better and experience more freedom and joy in life, too.

What If You’re More Capable Than You Think?

It often takes people a while to create awareness that we all hold onto fears and patterns that once kept us safe but now keep us stuck. Maybe you have been told that movement will worsen things, that your body is fragile, and that pain means damage. Maybe your mind has built an entire identity around avoiding discomfort rather than trusting your body’s incredible adaptability.

So what if true safety isn’t in controlling your body but in trusting it? Your body doesn’t need to be forced into healing; it needs to be given permission. What you perceive as a limitation may be your mind rehearsing an outdated survival pattern. And what you see as control may actually be resistance to the very freedom you are seeking.

Where Are You Holding On Too Tightly?

If you have ever felt stuck, disconnected, or felt like no matter how much effort you put in, things don’t improve, take a moment to pause. Where are you gripping too tightly? Where are you bracing against life, against movement, against yourself?

Does it happen within specific environments, during specific exercises and positions, in the presence of specific people, or when your mind's attention is placed on something triggering (finances, future goals, daily habits etc)?

Real transformation isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about realising that you were never broken to begin with.

So today, give yourself a moment to soften, to breathe, to let go, just a little. You might be surprised by what happens when you stop controlling and start allowing.

That might be where your real strength lies.

Many of my clients refer to their younger selves as fun-loving, thrill-seeking, or free-spirited, while describing their current selves as obsessive, controlling or overly cautious. Remember that you never changed, but your story about yourself did.

Final Thought

You can only affect the present moment, and too often, we look back into our past and bring it to the present moment to justify why we feel the way we do - this doesn't enable change, it only enables the development of an identity that no longer serves us.

When we consider that our ego will always prove itself correct, and our mind literally warps our perception to fit our deepest beliefs, only then do we realise just how powerful our internal narratives are.

So, it seems fitting to end this with my favourite saying, "The story we tell ourselves about ourselves is the most powerful story we will ever tell".

I wish you all the best in your pursuit of creating the greatest version of yourself, and I hope by reading this, you feel empowered to trust in your capability more than you control your present experience.